I’ve made so many mistakes in my life. Letting myself get so scared of something that is at worst uncomfortable. Being so stupid and bored that I did something that got me arrested. Not pushing myself forward at school, with schoolwork, sports or socially. Wasting my time studying subjects I shouldn’t have started. Wasting my time at university.
All of these things have led up to something that I would never, ever call a mistake. That was meeting you. There’s a line going from the first mistakes right through all the ones in the middle to the last and I’ve regretted them all in some way in the past, until I realized that if it wasn’t for them I might never have met you, and that would have been the real tragedy because I never knew I could feel this way about anybody until I felt this way about you. If just one thing had been different before this, then it might never have happened.
It’s the mistakes I’ve made since then that I regret now. I’ve messed everything up by thinking I could live on lots of different fronts and balance them all at the same time instead of setting priorities. I took a lot of things for granted that I probably shouldn’t have and it affected both of us badly. This is the bit now where words start to fall badly short. I don’t really know how to say it so it means what I want it to. I really am sorry if I hurt you in any way. I’d never mean to hurt you. I gave my heart and soul to you and now they belong to you, and I’m only half a person without you in my life.
You’ve always been the most important thing in my life but I didn’t know what that really meant. Now I do. I’ve never known anyone like you and I never will again. I was never as happy as when I was talking to you. No matter what had happened, everything was better as soon as we talked. I know that I can be that for you too. I know that I was wrong and that I was an arsehole. I wish I could have seen it then so I could have done something about it. I know I’m a better person than I showed. I wish I could prove that I’m the person you need me to be. I love you so much and I want you back.